Hi Kaylee, I just read your project analysis and I liked that you went with the idea for your thesis that both stories generally touch upon the "struggles under a corrupt government." You did well in the third and fourth paragraph by showing the similarities and differences between how the author's approached this theme on corruption as Kieu was about her survival in a corrupt society and the other one was about overcoming an unjust society. Some of the issues I had was with the way you inserted your quotations. I don't mind that you used them as examples but I personally think having your quotations embedded in your analysis makes it flow much better and makes it much nicer to read. of course there can be instances in which you want to use a quotation but can't embed them in your analysis make it flow.I am sure you know what embedded quotations are but if you don't they are basically embedded into your own writing so when you read it, it flows naturally. Example, the author implies that the antagonist is poor as "he lives in a small unfinished apartment." (James 87). Other than, I think you did well in your approach towards the idea of comparing and contrasting the two stories in how they execute their theme of innocents living under corruption.
Hi Kaylee, I wanted to first say great start on your project. I like the comparison of both women not sitting idly by and wait for the men to come to their senses they take their lives into their own hands. You did a great job highlighting how they were both willing to fight and sacrifice for love. However, I did not see strong evidence and answering supporting your question on how the different perspectives (eastern and western) effected the overall perspective of the story. Maybe elaborating specifically, identifying each one. For example, “The western perspective is that women are …. While the eastern’s perspective is quite the opposite being that women were ……”. Hope that make sense. Maybe, adding your last paragraph to your introduction, I personally thought it made a stronger opening than asking the questions. (just a suggestion). Your paper just needs a little tightening up, but overall great job.
Hi Kaylee, Awesome job on your second project submission! I really enjoyed reading it and overall it had a great flow to it. Of the points you made throughout your paper, my favorite one was where you stated “Another way these stories are similar is the idea that society corrupts the innocent.” I think this is a very great insight and something I did not notice on my own. It's a great similarity to highlight while also addressing an overlying theme. You do a great job using textual support in this paragraph and throughout your paper to support your claims. My only suggestion is to attempt to make a more clear statement in the beginning of your project stating an arguable thesis (this is something I have a lot of trouble with myself!). You make great points in your paper and draw solid conclusions. I think having an arguable point would help for the purpose of the project in this class. Other than that, you have a strong project! Great job!
Hi Kaylee, Great job on your second really enjoyed reading and loved how you you pointed out how both women were willing to fight and sacrifice their life for love!! However, I think that your project just needs a little editing in the introduction, but that's about it. Other than, I think you did well in your approach towards the idea of comparing and contrasting the two stories in how they execute their theme of innocents living under corruption.
Hi Kaylee! I think the topic you chose for your project is really interesting, as morality is a strong theme in both pieces. You did a great job of making your point clear and stating what you'd be analyzing in your introduction paragraph.I also liked how you organized your project, beginning by splitting each work by paragraph and then joining them together and analyzing them both in the same paragraph. It made the themes clear in each individual work, so when you brought them together to compare it made a lot of sense. My only suggestion would be maybe to look into in text citations? I could be wrong, but I think you should put the last name of the author in your citation so it's clear which author you're quoting. Don't take my word for it though, I could be wrong. Maybe look it up or even ask the professor? Besides that, I can't think of anything else I'd change. Great job!
You did a great job on your project. It is not easy to analyze two different pieces of literature, but you were able to state clear facts to show that both stories as you said, “includes societal corruption over innocents and the wrong use of power by those in higher positions.” My only suggestion is to go back through your paper because there are a few grammatical errors and punctuation. Also, if you read through your second paragraph, the point was not clear, maybe expounding on the quotes about Kieu. They were great quotations but was not clear how they supported your thesis. Expounding on it will make your paragraph/argument stronger. But other than you did a wonderful job and I appreciate you pointing out the not so obvious similarities of both stories. In both stories, we can see the unmasking of corrupt justice by those in higher power even though it showed in different forms.
Hey Kaylee. I read "The Travels of Lao Can" for extra credit, but for some reason I could hardly remember it even after re-reading my notes. My terrible memory aside, I did enjoy reading your project. I liked the way you broke up your paragraphs so that they were all about the same size, which is something I fail to do in my projects. The organization was also extremely clear and made your paper very easy to follow along with. With a quick glance of the first few words of each paragraph, I could tell when you were talking about Lao Can, Kieu, similarities, or differences. One minor flaw that I really felt the need to point out is the citations. While these stories are obviously in the same anthology, and assuming we all bought the correct books at the start of the semester, you should still specify the author's name in each citation (unless the author's name is mentioned in that same sentence of course). You already make it clear through your writing when you're swapping between the two stories, don't get me wrong, but including the author's names is an additional piece of assistance for us when reading.
Hi Kaylee, I just read your project analysis and I liked that you went with the idea for your thesis that both stories generally touch upon the "struggles under a corrupt government." You did well in the third and fourth paragraph by showing the similarities and differences between how the author's approached this theme on corruption as Kieu was about her survival in a corrupt society and the other one was about overcoming an unjust society. Some of the issues I had was with the way you inserted your quotations. I don't mind that you used them as examples but I personally think having your quotations embedded in your analysis makes it flow much better and makes it much nicer to read. of course there can be instances in which you want to use a quotation but can't embed them in your analysis make it flow.I am sure you know what embedded quotations are but if you don't they are basically embedded into your own writing so when you read it, it flows naturally. Example, the author implies that the antagonist is poor as "he lives in a small unfinished apartment." (James 87). Other than, I think you did well in your approach towards the idea of comparing and contrasting the two stories in how they execute their theme of innocents living under corruption.
ReplyDeleteHi Kaylee, I wanted to first say great start on your project. I like the comparison of both women not sitting idly by and wait for the men to come to their senses they take their lives into their own hands. You did a great job highlighting how they were both willing to fight and sacrifice for love. However, I did not see strong evidence and answering supporting your question on how the different perspectives (eastern and western) effected the overall perspective of the story. Maybe elaborating specifically, identifying each one. For example, “The western perspective is that women are …. While the eastern’s perspective is quite the opposite being that women were ……”. Hope that make sense. Maybe, adding your last paragraph to your introduction, I personally thought it made a stronger opening than asking the questions. (just a suggestion). Your paper just needs a little tightening up, but overall great job.
ReplyDeleteHi Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteAwesome job on your second project submission! I really enjoyed reading it and overall it had a great flow to it. Of the points you made throughout your paper, my favorite one was where you stated “Another way these stories are similar is the idea that society corrupts the innocent.” I think this is a very great insight and something I did not notice on my own. It's a great similarity to highlight while also addressing an overlying theme. You do a great job using textual support in this paragraph and throughout your paper to support your claims. My only suggestion is to attempt to make a more clear statement in the beginning of your project stating an arguable thesis (this is something I have a lot of trouble with myself!). You make great points in your paper and draw solid conclusions. I think having an arguable point would help for the purpose of the project in this class. Other than that, you have a strong project! Great job!
Hi Kaylee, Great job on your second really enjoyed reading and loved how you you pointed out how both women were willing to fight and sacrifice their life for love!! However, I think that your project just needs a little editing in the introduction, but that's about it. Other than, I think you did well in your approach towards the idea of comparing and contrasting the two stories in how they execute their theme of innocents living under corruption.
ReplyDeleteHi Kaylee! I think the topic you chose for your project is really interesting, as morality is a strong theme in both pieces. You did a great job of making your point clear and stating what you'd be analyzing in your introduction paragraph.I also liked how you organized your project, beginning by splitting each work by paragraph and then joining them together and analyzing them both in the same paragraph. It made the themes clear in each individual work, so when you brought them together to compare it made a lot of sense. My only suggestion would be maybe to look into in text citations? I could be wrong, but I think you should put the last name of the author in your citation so it's clear which author you're quoting. Don't take my word for it though, I could be wrong. Maybe look it up or even ask the professor? Besides that, I can't think of anything else I'd change. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job on your project. It is not easy to analyze two different pieces of literature, but you were able to state clear facts to show that both stories as you said, “includes societal corruption over innocents and the wrong use of power by those in higher positions.” My only suggestion is to go back through your paper because there are a few grammatical errors and punctuation. Also, if you read through your second paragraph, the point was not clear, maybe expounding on the quotes about Kieu. They were great quotations but was not clear how they supported your thesis. Expounding on it will make your paragraph/argument stronger. But other than you did a wonderful job and I appreciate you pointing out the not so obvious similarities of both stories. In both stories, we can see the unmasking of corrupt justice by those in higher power even though it showed in different forms.
Hey Kaylee. I read "The Travels of Lao Can" for extra credit, but for some reason I could hardly remember it even after re-reading my notes. My terrible memory aside, I did enjoy reading your project. I liked the way you broke up your paragraphs so that they were all about the same size, which is something I fail to do in my projects. The organization was also extremely clear and made your paper very easy to follow along with. With a quick glance of the first few words of each paragraph, I could tell when you were talking about Lao Can, Kieu, similarities, or differences. One minor flaw that I really felt the need to point out is the citations. While these stories are obviously in the same anthology, and assuming we all bought the correct books at the start of the semester, you should still specify the author's name in each citation (unless the author's name is mentioned in that same sentence of course). You already make it clear through your writing when you're swapping between the two stories, don't get me wrong, but including the author's names is an additional piece of assistance for us when reading.
ReplyDelete