Hello Kaylee, I enjoyed reading your first submission for project three. Your project offered a lot of good quotes that went well with your project topic. I also liked that you kept your pragraphs short, it made it easy to read and see what you were trying to fully demonstrate. This first submission looks really good and I also liked how you opened and ended your explanations of quotes. the only thing I saw that needed to be fixed was how you would end your final sentences of a paragraph with a page number and no period behind it. I noticed it in both the third and sixth to last paragraphs from the conclusion. Your project offers a lot of good information. You did a good job on sticking to your topic throughout the entire project without venturing off or summarizing too much. Great job on this keep up the good work Kaylee.
Hi Kaylee, I think you did a nice job on your project 3 submission! I like that you state that “Notes of a Native Son” can be considered an artifact of history because of its clear connections to real historical events and issues. I think you did a good job of using examples from the text to back up points that you made and you explained their relevance to your topic well. I did feel like the paper put more emphasis on the feelings conveyed through the story than the thesis in your introduction implied. My suggestion would be to maybe reword your thesis a bit to make it really clear that the use of personal feelings and experience are important to portraying the history present in the story. I also noticed a few minor instances of unnecessary apostrophes used in some of your plural words, so I’d look out for that when revising. Otherwise, great work on your project!
Hi Kaylee, you did a fantastic job on your third project. You included a lot of great quotes that supported your paper and served as good evidence. I really liked the structure and organization of the paragraphs since it made it very easy to read. The story that you chose for the prompt was very good because it has so much connection to a lot of our history and I liked how you included very important political events that occurred. Your paper had good information and it gave me a different perspective on how much race had impacted the author and the characters. One of the things that I noticed that should be fixed is your thesis because it focuses more on the discrimination aspect rather than the feelings, just try rewording it a bit. Everything else is great and you did a good job in maintaining the focus on your project without going off on tangents. Great job on your project.
Kaylee, I want to first start off by saying great job on your third project revision. I can see that you really worked hard and made sure you took the feedback and applied it to your work. Your introduction was clear, and I knew exactly which prompt you chose for your analysis. I strongly agree that Race Riots that took over Detroit in June 1943, the movement of African American’s to the south in search of better freedom and cities that were more welcoming to them, and Racial Discrimination is the very thing that makes this piece an artifact of history. I also appreciate how you pointed that the father’s experiences with racial hate made him bitter which is what caused him to be a cruel father, which created bitterness in his children. Which today, if we look back on history, we can understand a lot of the problems they face could be a direct link to slavery and racial hatred towards them. Brokenness breads brokenness. So, they passed on to their children brokenness, bitterness, and anger. You did a great job!
Hello Kaylee, I enjoyed reading your first submission for project three. Your project offered a lot of good quotes that went well with your project topic. I also liked that you kept your pragraphs short, it made it easy to read and see what you were trying to fully demonstrate. This first submission looks really good and I also liked how you opened and ended your explanations of quotes. the only thing I saw that needed to be fixed was how you would end your final sentences of a paragraph with a page number and no period behind it. I noticed it in both the third and sixth to last paragraphs from the conclusion. Your project offers a lot of good information. You did a good job on sticking to your topic throughout the entire project without venturing off or summarizing too much. Great job on this keep up the good work Kaylee.
ReplyDeleteHi Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a nice job on your project 3 submission! I like that you state that “Notes of a Native Son” can be considered an artifact of history because of its clear connections to real historical events and issues. I think you did a good job of using examples from the text to back up points that you made and you explained their relevance to your topic well. I did feel like the paper put more emphasis on the feelings conveyed through the story than the thesis in your introduction implied. My suggestion would be to maybe reword your thesis a bit to make it really clear that the use of personal feelings and experience are important to portraying the history present in the story. I also noticed a few minor instances of unnecessary apostrophes used in some of your plural words, so I’d look out for that when revising. Otherwise, great work on your project!
Hi Kaylee, you did a fantastic job on your third project. You included a lot of great quotes that supported your paper and served as good evidence. I really liked the structure and organization of the paragraphs since it made it very easy to read. The story that you chose for the prompt was very good because it has so much connection to a lot of our history and I liked how you included very important political events that occurred. Your paper had good information and it gave me a different perspective on how much race had impacted the author and the characters. One of the things that I noticed that should be fixed is your thesis because it focuses more on the discrimination aspect rather than the feelings, just try rewording it a bit. Everything else is great and you did a good job in maintaining the focus on your project without going off on tangents. Great job on your project.
ReplyDeleteKaylee, I want to first start off by saying great job on your third project revision. I can see that you really worked hard and made sure you took the feedback and applied it to your work. Your introduction was clear, and I knew exactly which prompt you chose for your analysis. I strongly agree that Race Riots that took over Detroit in June 1943, the movement of African American’s to the south in search of better freedom and cities that were more welcoming to them, and Racial Discrimination is the very thing that makes this piece an artifact of history. I also appreciate how you pointed that the father’s experiences with racial hate made him bitter which is what caused him to be a cruel father, which created bitterness in his children. Which today, if we look back on history, we can understand a lot of the problems they face could be a direct link to slavery and racial hatred towards them. Brokenness breads brokenness. So, they passed on to their children brokenness, bitterness, and anger. You did a great job!
ReplyDelete